Beanie Buddy
beanie buddy
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NWT Ty Beanie Buddy Buddies CLUBBY II iris teddy bear ~ lavender blue plush $9.00 |
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2 Ty Beanie Buddy New Tags RTD Millennium Magenta Bear Snowboy Snowman hat Scarf $6.99 |
The Smarter White Meat by TimKnox
I know you’re probably going to find this hard to believe, especially those of you who write in every week seeking my advice on life’s really tough problems (Note to Marvin in Mobile: Yes, no, ask your doctor, I think that’s illegal in ALL 50 states, and no, not with a ten-foot pole), but I, Tim Knox, never went to college. To those of you who write in every week complaining that my frequent use of words like “y’all, yonder and ain’t,” is an affront to the English language and that I give southerners everywhere a bad name, I’m sure this comes as no surprise (Note to Doug in Dothan: You, sir, may still kiss my grits, college educated or not).
When I graduated from high school in 1978, college was the furthest thing from my mind. I had just been released from thirteen long years of educational purgatory and I was in no hurry to jump back into the fire. At eighteen, my priorities were as follows: do as little work as possible during the day, get as sloppy drunk as possible every night, and meet as many really cool chicks as possible along the way. My high school guidance counselor never bothered to tell me that the best place to do all of these things was at college. Instead, he just sort of chuckled at my grades and asked if I had considered a career in welding.
Besides, no one in my family had ever gone to college, so who was I to buck tradition? College, my old man was quick to point out, was for rich kids in trouble with the law and stupid people who didn’t have the smarts to make it on their own. Grand words of wisdom from a man who dropped out of school in the third grade to become a dirt farmer. I should have introduced him to my high school guidance counselor. Since they were the founding members of the “Let’s Screw Up Tim Knox’s Life With Lousy Advice” Club, I’m sure they would have gotten along famously.
A year or two out of high school I found myself hungover, broke and unemployed. That’s the only time I seriously thought about going to college (it seemed an easier prospect than having to sober up and find a real job). I stopped by the local university and met with a student advisor (think guidance counselor with zits). I was thinking about getting an English degree so I could teach small school children the proper use of words like “y’all, yonder and ain’t.” When I told the student advisor this, he just sort of chuckled at my aspirations and asked if I had considered a career in welding.
“Thanks, zitface,” I felt like saying. “Here’s your membership card. Welcome to the club. Help yourself to punch and cookies. Come on, I’ll introduce you to my old man.”
About the only thing I learned from that visit was that going to college required a lot of money, something I didn’t have. And this particular school’s motto was: “Coffum opus dia doe or scatum dia hades offum dia campii!” English translation: “If you can’t pay the tuition get the hell off this campus!”
I couldn’t, so I did. And now you know why I never went to college.
At least I didn’t waste eight years of my life getting a degree I never used. The guy who mows my lawn has a PhD in psychology. I guess he uses that $100,000 worth of advanced schooling to make sure my grass is “okay” with being cut.
Then there are those folks who collect college degrees like my sister collects beanie babies. I have a friend who has a Masters in electrical engineering, a Bachelors in computer science, and a Doctorate in mathematics. You know what he does for a living? Nothing, he’s too busy going to school.
I don’t feel so bad about ditching college when I hear of some of the things that are going on in our institutions of higher learning these days. Take the case of the Penn State professor who is trying to teach pigs how to communicate using a computer. That’s right, f-f-f-olks, I said pigs. And I’m not talking about ugly coeds, either.
Professor Stanley Curtis (a former student advisor, I’m sure) believes that pigs, like apes and some people from Michigan, can be taught to communicate with humans by using a form of computer sign language. Curtis, with all his college-tainted wisdom, thinks that pigs are much smarter than people think. I think Professor Curtis is one pork rind short of a full bag. Who wants to get email from a pig?
Here’s how the good professor summed it up to The Philadelphia Inquirer: “Pigs always have their eyes open for their next mouthful, so they are always surveying the environment. They are very alert, and if they see some food at a certain place, they have to figure out how to get to it.”
Is he talking about pigs or his fraternity brothers?
Curtis continued, “They (pigs) solve problems every day and they have the ability to discriminate, so it should come as no surprise that their intelligence is high.”
Solving problems, the ability to discriminate, high intelligence… hmm, I guess he is talking about pigs.
Curtis’ goal is to provide the best possible environment for pigs and other farm animals. If these pigs could communicate that they’re uncomfortable, unhappy, or hungry, he says, the farmer could then do whatever was necessary to make the pig’s life a little easier. This is where I get confused. What farmer in his right mind would want a bunch of whiny pigs running around the barnyard stirring up trouble? And what farmer would go to the trouble of making a pig’s life easier when he knows that said pig is going to be on the next train to Baconville? This is like giving death row inmates Dr. Sholes pads to put in their shoes so their feet don’t hurt while they’re walking to the gas chamber.
You don’t need a college degree to figure out that this is the dumbest idea since the invention of low fat bologna. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be able to communicate with pigs. I’m not a heartless person. I don’t want to think that the pig that gave its life for my morning bacon spent its last moments sitting at a computer terminal frantically typing out, “PLEASE DON’T KILL AND EAT ME!! I AM NOT AN ANIMAL! PLEASE!!”
Let’s put the professor’s computer sign language to work with animals we don’t eat. I’d love for my dog to be able to tell me what the hell he’s barking at at three in the morning. And I’d really like to know what my cat has to be so uppity about.
Besides, what could a pig really have to say that’s worth hearing? Unless it’s, “Hey buddy, have you considered a career in welding?”
Th-th-th-th-at’s all, folks.
Tim Knox, Entrepreneur, Author, Speaker, Radio Host
Founder, The Insiders Club, Giving You The Power To Start Your Business Today
www.theinsidersclub.com
Bestselling Author of: “Everything I Know About Business I Learned From My Mama”
www.timknox.com
Article Source: http://www.earticlesonline.com/Article/The-Smarter-White-Meat/129358
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NWT Ty Beanie Buddy Buddies CLUBBY II iris teddy bear ~ lavender blue plush $9.00 |
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2 Ty Beanie Buddy New Tags RTD Millennium Magenta Bear Snowboy Snowman hat Scarf $6.99 |
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PATRI0TIC TY BEANIE BUDDY $5.00 |
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SNOWBANK 2007 TY Beanies Classic plush holiday penguin in ear muffs $9.99 |
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TY BUDDY Beanie “ALVIN” Chipmunks 12″ Buddies- IN STOCK $9.89 |
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TY BUDDY Beanie “BRITTANY” from Alvin and the Chipmunks 12″ Buddies- $9.89 |
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NWT Ty Beanie Buddy Buddies LIBEARTY white teddy bear ~ USA American Flag plush $9.00 |
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Red Black BABY MONKEY EUC 13″ Plush Stuffed Animal Beanie Buddies SOFT & SWEET $24.99 |
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Ty Beanie Buddies Hero the bear Retired FREE Heart Tag Protector MWMT NEW $9.95 |
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Wilt Chamberlain stuffed bear $9.99 |
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Ty Beanie Buddies KISS-e the bear Retired FREE Heart Tag Protector MWMT NEW $9.95 |
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Ty Beanie Babies Zodiac Dog Mint Condition with Tags $3.99 |
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Ty Beanie Buddy Clubby II The Bear 1999 $5.00 |
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TY Beanie Pluffies Plush Stuffed Black White Cow GRAZER $23.99 |
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Elephant American Flag Ty beanie baby Buddy Righty Republican Gift? $12.99 |
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TWO BEANIE BUDDIES- ARIEL, WALLCE $4.00 |
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Ty Beanie Buddy~LADYBUG~LUCKY~ Beanbag~Adorable~EUC $11.99 |
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Valentines Special set: Valentino Buddy & original Beanie, Valentina and Kiss-e $189.99 |
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1998 TY Beanie Buddies / Buddy Monkey BONGO $10.00 |
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Happy Birthday Ty Beanie Buddies Teddy Bear Plush $9.99 |
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Ty Beanie Baby Boots Dora’s Monkey $3.75 Everyone meet Dora the Explorer¨s best friend, Boots! Wearing his signature red boots, this little blue monkey is ready for fun with his pal Dora! Based on the popular character from Nick Jr!… |
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Ty Beanie Baby Hello Kitty Tartan $3.89 6″ Tall Hello Kitty plush toy is as cute as can be with a pink plaid skirt and matching bow. Collect them all. For ages 3 and up. Polyester…. |
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Ty Beanie Baby BOOS Safari the Giraffe BOO $3.30 Safari the Giraffe by TY is a soft & cute giraffe that is so easy to snuggle with! TY beanie babies are bean filled and fun to collect! Safari the Giraffe is approximately 6” in height. For ages 3 and up…. |
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Black Winter Cap with ScooterBoy Cartoon Logo $9.99 Good lookin’ way to keep your melon warm, with embroidered scooter-man cartoon. Please note: you will look 3-4 times cooler wearing this…. |
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Red Winter Cap with ScooterBoy Cartoon Logo $9.99 Good lookin’ way to keep your melon warm, with embroidered scooter-man cartoon. Please note: you will look 3-4 times cooler wearing this…. |
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Ty Beanie Babies Winter 2000 Collector’s Value Guide (Collector’s Value Guide Ty Beanie Babies) $2.69 The Beanie Babies Excitement Never Ends… A Surprising And Mysterious Retirements Announcement By Ty 14 NEW Beanie Babies – Including Special Summer Releases And Anouther Exclusive Bear For Ty Employees 17 New Beanie Buddies – Including Two Club Offerings And “Snowboy,” The First “Unique” Beanie Buddy Design Breaking News Retirement Updates Up-To-Date Secoundary Market Values For Beanie B… |
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Collectors Value Guide Ty Beanie Babies: Collector Handbook and Price Guide Winter 1999 $1.95 If you need to keep up with Ty Inc.’s Beanie Babies, then this is the handbook for you! Our seasonal updates are bursting with the latest information and secondary market values for the fastest-growing collectible in the country. The Value Guide has it all – giant color pictures of the entire collection including Teenie Beanies, variations, tag information, and the top ten most valuable Bea… |
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The Book of Beanie Babies: An Unofficial Book $24.95 The Book The Book of Ty Beanie Babies is simply the best way to organize your Beanie Baby collection. This first release has a full color 8.5 x 5.5 inch page for each 1997 retired Beanie Baby and the 1998 Beanies up to the new introductions of May 30. Watch for our updater set of the fourteen new Beanies! The back of each page has the Beanie’s poem and important dates as well as spaces t… |